July 27, 2004

The New Anna?

i'm pleased to hear that Maria Sharapova is supplanting Anna Kournikova as a feminine icon of beauty and talent. That's because Maria's got game. Anna has a good bod and a flashy lifestyle, but even i could probably beat her on the court once out of every ten games. Maria, a Wimbledon champion at seventeen, seems to be the complete package:

Maria Sharapova, dressed head to toe in Louis Vuitton on Sunday evening, looked every inch a future fashion icon.

. . .

She chose a gold lamé mini-dress with gauzy underskirt, gold snakeskin platform shoes and a turquoise, monogrammed evening bag. It was a brave decision but one that any 17-year-old with model good looks could easily pull off.

. . .

Nick Cox, fashion editor at Harpers & Queen, agrees that her look is perfect for fashion campaigns. 'Sharapova is classically beautiful, but she's also a blank canvas. You could manipulate her to look youthful or sexy or more glamorous and grown-up and that is the kind of versatility that fashion labels would look for. Anna Kournikova is quite limited because she has a prettier, sexy look. But Sharapova is much more sophisticated.'

And, at least up until now, Maria seems more down to earth than Anna turned out to be. Of course, that might all go out the window after the estimated ten to one hundred million pounds in endorsements starts rolling in. As a model, i think she could easily earn the same kind of money and attention that Anna enjoys, but i hope Maria resists that easy temptation and keeps pushing her game.

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Observation

Jimmy Carter looks more and more like Don Knotts every time i see him.

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T-Shits

i saw something shocking at Moxie's. Planned Parenthood, with the help of Yahoo! Shopping, is selling t-shirts that express the wearer's pride at having had an abortion.

That's fucked up. Even pro-abortionists like Clinton and Kerry would stop short before saying that an abortion was something that should be boasted about in front of strangers.

Whatever happened to the ideals behind the motto: safe, legal and rare? Or was that just bullshit?

PP won't be happy until every teen is sporting a tee like that one. But i say, why stop there? Let's follow that thread to it's logical conclusion.

So i designed a t-shirt with a parallel sentiment.

What do you think? Something to be proud of? Or not.


Update: Allah has more. Via Xrlq.

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July 26, 2004

Weather The Bounce, Boys

i tell you, i am becoming hugely optimistic about the upcoming election. There are several reasons for my optimism.

Mainly, i think the amount of support for Bush-Cheney is deliberately downplayed by a media that needs a close race for political preference and profit reasons.

Secondly, Kerry sucks as a candidate. He's not likeable. On the contrary, he's kind of an asshole, and people in the middle notice things like that. People who are undecided at this late stage of the game are more influenced by silly things like personality. If undecideds cared about the issues, they'd have made their minds up by now.

Thirdly, i think we can expect a big freak show at the upcoming Republican Convention in New York. The far left nut jobs will ensure Bush's re-election, even though they will think they're doing the opposite. In fact, i hope they go on a total Bush-hatin' rampage in the streets of New York. Everyone knows who's side they're on, and the worse the protesters act, the more people will realize how low the Democratic Party has fallen.

Fourthly, it's not about popular vote. It's about the electoral college, and that's looking good too. As AP reports:

With three months remaining in a volatile campaign, Kerry has 14 states and the District of Columbia in his column for 193 electoral votes. Bush has 25 states for 217 votes, according to an Associated Press analysis of state polls as well as interviews with strategists across the country.
Here are the states that AP says are "in play," but leaning in Bush's direction:
  • North Carolina

  • Colorado

  • Louisiana

  • Arizona

  • Virginia

  • Arkansas

  • Missouri
Now please. Are you gonna tell me that those states, historically bastions of conservatism, are going to vote Kerry this year? Bush won them all in 2000, when the election was all about personality, not life-and-death. The only one that might possibly go Kerry is Missouri, but if it stays in the Bush camp, he's got 290 electors right there. To win, you need 270 electors.

By my reckoning, and assuming the polls stay like this until the election, i see Bush Cheney winning without even worrying about the battleground states like Florida, Ohio, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, Wisconsin, Michigan and West Virginia. Am i wrong here? Admittedly, math is not my best subject, but i think i'm right about this.

All Bush-Cheney have to do is weather the Kerry Edwards' post convention bounce and hopefully the election should be theirs to lose.

IMHO, of course.

Update: Forget my fourth point. i was wrong. As usual, my weak math skills misled me. But not as much as the stupid AP article, which failed to mention an important fact. As commenter Col. Steve points out:

The '25' to get 217 already includes the 7 states you list as in play but leaning Bush. Kerry's total includes the 14, DC but you leave out the 2 states (PA and OR) that the author says are toss-up but shifting to Kerry. You have to add those 2 states to give Kerry 193 + 21 + 7 = 221.
So, in fact the seven states that i said Bush would win, do not put him over the magic 270 number. He will still need to win some of the battleground states, and that is, i admit, an iffy proposition.

The math aside, my other points are still very well taken. IMHO.

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HK Fires Off

By now, you must have heard about Heintz-Kerry's* bizarre "shove it" melt-down with that reporter. i thought it was hysterical. i mean, she just got done giving a speech about civility in politics. And all the guy did was ask her what she meant by "un-American."

She's a freak. i've met people who do the same thing. They say something to you and then one minute later adamantly deny that they've said it. i went out with a guy who would do that and then try to bully me into doubting my own ears. Just like HK did. Only when she denied it, there was an audio recording as proof. Now she just looks crazier than she already looked.

i really don't think Heintz-Kerry is a stable person. i mean emotionally. It's just an impression i've gotten after watching her these last few months. You just watch, she'll melt-down a few more times before Kerry's handlers get wise and sequester her until the election.

Another incredible thing about this episode: i can understand HK not realizing her mistake, she hadn't listened to the proof of what she said. But what's this guy's excuse? He links to the video, then says that

the 'reporter' in question attempted to attribute a quote to Mrs. Kerry that she didn't say.
Huh? She did say it, i heard the audio myself.

Dude needs to listen to the audio again, this time without holding his hands over his ears and saying "lalalalalala."

Liberals. *sigh* Whatareyagonnado?

Link via Sean.

Update: Malkin noticed HK's craziness back in January.


* Yes, i have decided to bestow the mis-spelling honor upon her.

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Kerry Loses New York

Attention all Yankee fans. How can you vote for a man who said the following:

[Interviewer]: When you get into office,* would you consider passing an executive order that would prevent Pedro from signing with the Yankees?

[Kerry]: I'd consider an executive order that abolishes the Yankees. We'll have to set up some very strict regulations with respect to Yankee behavior. I think the Red Sox may take care of it. I think there may be an A-Rod backlash this year. I think there may be a reverse curse here.

Okay, so Kerry may lose the New York baseball fan vote with a statement like that, but he probably gained twice as many votes from all other baseball fans. Probably the smart political move.

Until he goes to stump in NYC, when he'll probably say that he was a Yankee fan before he was a Red Sox fan.


What's this "when" shit?

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Where's A Digital Camera When You Need One? (Reprise)

i just saw the weirdest thing. A bat. It was right outside the building crawling along the sidewalk on all fours, right where i saw that huge dragonfly a few weeks ago. The bat was gray, about three inches long, and moving very slowly, about the speed of a large beetle. i didn't know what it was at first and i jumped and let out a loud scream, 'cause it was right by my foot when i first saw it. Poor thing was lost, it should have been hanging upside down in a cave somewhere. i thought about picking it up and bringing it into the office to show everybody. Then i thought about rabies and left it alone. Some car is probably going to run over it, over but there's nothing i can do about that. It's getting to be like a menagerie outside my building. i really should bring a digital camera with me when i take my smoke breaks.

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Is This Getting Boring? Nah! (Reprise)

Instead of writing a new post on how awesome Lance Armstrong is for winning his sixth Tour de France in a row, i'll just link to my post from last year, about him predicting this year's win. Next year: number seven!

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July 25, 2004

Fantasy Football Tip

So Miami running back Ricky Williams is quitting the NFL at age 27 so he can smoke pot full time? Interesting career choice. He's on his way to Asia as we speak, and one wonders if he'll meet up with Todd Marinovich somewhere along the way. Well, at least that makes picking an RB for my fantasy team a little easier.

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Weird

Here's a sign that the end is indeed near.

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July 23, 2004

When Is A Dry Run Not A Dry Run?

When one of the passengers turns out to be all wet.

Undercover federal air marshals on board a June 29 Northwest airlines flight from Detroit to LAX identified themselves after a passenger, 'overreacted,' to a group of middle-eastern men on board, federal officials and sources have told KFI NEWS.

The passenger, later identified as Annie Jacobsen, was in danger of panicking other passengers and creating a larger problem on the plane, according to a source close to the secretive federal protective service.

Jacobsen, a self-described freelance writer, has published two stories about her experience at womenswallstreet.com, a business advice web site designed for women.
Dawn has more.

You know i'm a hawk when it comes to the war on terror. i'm not saying we should let our guard down, especially nowadays. But still, this lady's story, when i first read it, sure sounded like an urban legend to me.

It turned out not to be an urban legend, but neither did it turn out to be what Jacobsen thought it was. i bet that's how half of the urban legends out there start, by somebody over-reacting.

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Etiquette Question

When people sneeze multiple times in succession, are you supposed to say "God bless you" after every sneeze or can you just say it after the first sneeze?

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July 22, 2004

Crazy Question

Watching the Tour de France with my housemates yesterday, the following question came up:

What kind of being would you create if you could somehow cross Lance Armstrong's DNA with the DNA of his chief rival, Ivan Basso?

The answer is not all that good. It's quite frightening, actually.

Update: i guess nobody gets this joke. It's a bit obscure, but we all thought it was hilarious over at my house.

Clue: Crossing the DNA of Lance Armstrong and Ivan Basso might create a bike rider who's derailleur is perfectly in sync!

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July 21, 2004

Give 'Em Hell, Lance

i watched Lance power his way to the top of l'Alpe d'Huez tonight. He's not just winning, he's dominating and embarrassing the competition. He passed Ivan Basso, like he was standing still. And this was a time trial! They're racing against the clock. i didn't expect to see Lance lapping guys.

lance.jpg

Lance in yellow, Tiger in green, pinstripes in October. It's like something you expect to see every year.

One disturbing thing about the Tour, though. It gets pretty crazy along the route, with fans jumping in front of the riders, waving flags, running alongside and trying to touch them. i saw a streaker during stage 13 last weekend. But on TV today, Lance said that people were spitting and throwing shit at the American riders. That's bad news.

There were lots of fans, and it was a little scary. To me, sincerely, it was not a good idea to have a time trial at l'Alpe d'Huez. It's over now but a lot of German fans were just disgusting. C'est la vie.
i wonder what Lance's left-wing girlfriend Cheryl Crow had to say about that display of America-hating. Stupid Germans. The race organizers really should try to control them, i'd hate to see someone get hurt.

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Wednesday Is Poetry Day, Every Wednesday

i must confess, e.e. cummings is not my favorite poet. i don't like visual gimmick poetry, and i don't like indecipherable poetry. In that respect i am not alone. When my favorite poet, Edna St. Vincent Millay, was in charge of vetting poets for the Guggenhiem Fellowship, she turned down cummings because she couldn't figure him out. (i wish i had her exact quote; you can find it in the wonderful biography of Millay, called Savage Beauty.)

Thankfully, not all of e.e. cummings' work is hard to read. Take out the weird shit, and what remains is remarkably brilliant. Not surprisingly, i'm especially drawn to his erotic stuff. Sometimes i'm not sure whether he's talking about what i think he's talking about, or whether it's just my own dirty mind. I like that in a poem. Plausible deniability.

An example:


because i love you)last night

clothed in sealace
appeared to me
your mind drifting
with chuckling rubbish
of pearl weed coral and stones;

lifted,and(before my
eyes sinking)inward,fled;softly
your face smile breasts gargled
by death:drowned only

again carefully through deepness to rise
these your wrists
thighs feet hands

poising
          to again utterly disappear;
rushing gently swiftly creeping
through my dreams last
night,all of your
body with its spirit floated
(clothed only in

the tide's acute weaving murmur


Nice, isn't it? Less subtle is this racy example:

my girl's tall with hard long eyes
as she stands, with her long hard hands keeping
silence on her dress, good for sleeping
is her long hard body filled with surprise
like a white shocking wire, when she smiles
a hard long smile it sometimes makes
gaily go clean through me tickling aches,
and the weak noise of her eyes easily files
my impatience to an edge--my girl's tall
and taut, with thin legs just like a vine
that's spent all of its life on a garden-wall,
and is going to die. When we grimly go to bed
with these legs she begins to heave and twine
about me, and to kiss my face and head.

Whew, there's a little bit of excitement for your blog reading day!

But sometimes, e.e. could throw all subtlety out the window, as in this bawdy piece:


the boys i mean are not refined
they go with girls who buck and bite
they do not give a fuck for luck
they hump them thirteen times a night

one hangs a hat upon her tit
one carves a cross on her behind
they do not give a shit for wit
the boys i mean are not refined

they come with girls who bite and buck
who cannot read and cannot write
who laugh like they would fall apart
and masturbate with dynamite

the boys i mean are not refined
they cannot chat of that and this
they do not give a fart for art
they kill like you would take a piss

they speak whatever's on their mind
they do whatever's in their pants
the boys i mean are not refined
they shake the mountains when they dance

Dang, that's some kick-ass poetry. i'm not crazy about a lot of his stuff, but if he were around today, i'd bet e.e. could take the prize at any poetry slam contest.

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Zzzzzzzzz

Here's a letter that Martha Stewart wrote to the judge in her recent criminal trial. i defy anyone to make it to the end of the four page letter, it's so boring. As i commented at Dawn's (from whom i stole this link), didn't they teach Martha anything about run-on sentences at Barnard?

I have spent most of my professional life creating, writing, researching, and thinking on the highest possible level about quality of life, about giving, about providing, so that millions of people, from all economic strata, can enjoy beauty, good quality, well made products, and impeccably researched information about many hundreds of subjects which can lead to a better life and more rewarding family lifestyle.
Just on and on and on. Shit woman, just get to the point! No wonder they wouldn't let her testify. Gawd, wouldn't she be the worst lunch partner ever?

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Lynda Rondstat

Shelly asked me if i was going to comment on the Lynda Ronsdstat controversy. i don't have much to to say on that, except for the following:

At least she had the guts to say what she said in front of a hostile audience in this country. That's more than i can say for the Dixie Chiks.

Also, what she said wasn't so bad. She just recommended the movie. It's not like she said she was ashamed to be an American.

i think what she said about Christians and Republicans is more offensive.

Anyway, whatever. Who cares about her anyway? She made one good record, a long time ago with Nelson Riddle, and her career's been AWOL ever since.

Link thanks to Jen.

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The Tour de France

Have you been watching Lance Armstrong? i watched replays of the end of stage thirteen on Sunday and the end of stage fifteen last night. The dude is awesome. He doesn't even look like he's breaking a sweat. Look at the other guy's faces at the end, they're in agony. But Lance is a machine. i sure hope he's not dopin, 'cause he's great. It's funny that Greg LeMond seems to think Lance is dirty. Does he know something or is he just jealous?

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July 20, 2004

Congratulations

Congratulations to my 100,000th visitor! You came here to look at my post about the Spitfire video. i don't know anything about you except that you are from the Pacific Time Zone, possibly the Bay Area, and you didn't bother to look around my blog. Oh well, no prize for you then.

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July 20, 1969

On July 20, 1969, an event which i argue is the greatest accomplishment in human history occurred.

apollo11

It was "one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind," as Neil Armstrong said. But, it must also be said that no one but an American has ever been to the moon. And we have every right to be proud of that fact.

We did it with vacuum tube computers and slide rules. We did it in the days before fax machines and e-mail and pocket calculators. We did it before copy machines and PDAs and DVD drives and laptops. We did it with computers that filled a whole room but were slower than the computer i'm typing on right now.

And when the computer miscalculated on the descent to the lunar surface, one American took the controls and landed the damn thing himself.

Awesome.

On that historic day Associated Press reported:

Two Americans landed on the moon and explored its surface for some two hours Sunday, planting the first human footprints in its dusty soil. They raised their nation's flag and talked to their President on earth 240,000 miles away.
And the whole world watched.

Be proud.

Update: Has Ted forgotten about this anniversary?

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